I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes. I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!' How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. The refill contained the antidote.Įngland is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
Ī computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.Īctually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.Īt my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. tour and I recommend seeing it if at all possible, as listening to his records is no comparison to witnessing him live, a truth Emo himself endorses.Similar People: Paul Merton | Lea DeLaria | Tommy Cooper | Kate Clinton |. "When I do the little comedy clubs, it makes me realize why I got into this racket in the first place: to pick up skanks."Įmo is currently making a U.S. As he says, "I'm just trying to do super-clean material that's very, very witty and clever, with nothing dirty or bawdy or shocking." His comedy has matured as well (he now uses the occasional profanity) but not at all watered down. He has aged little, excepting a few pounds extra around the middle and the admission of his greying hair. Recently, Emo has trimmed his characteristic bowl cut into something short, grey, and spiky, and exchanged his thrift store look for raver-ish clothing in futuristic materials (still at least a three-piece outfit).
"I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be.thanks to evolution." His seemingly random remarks range from casual observations, poking fun at cops, conversations with the audience, to his misadventures as someone who is " pretty handy with the ladies." His quirky comedy is as endearing as it is hysterical Jay Leno once called him "the funniest joke writer in America". He's somewhat of a family comedian in that sense, but not a cliche of Cosby Show-like scenarios. The great thing about Emo is that he is funny without being too vulgar. "My wife said, 'Emo, I'm seeing another man.' I said, 'Try rubbing your eyes." In the eighties and nineties, Emo was a visual comedy standing 6'2 at 145 pounds, staggering back and forth across the stage with elaborate gestures and flailing his boney arms delivering sharp one-liners and cleverly ironic jokes with his infamous voice-varying greatly in pitch and tone and cracking impossibly as he spoke.
"The other morning my sister made some eggs. It's like him but exaggerated 100 times over (he really talks like that). Unmistakeable both visually and vocally (though he has tuned down his look with the coming of the new millenium), the character Emo is famous for portraying is actually not that different from his actual personality. "I bought some new underwear! Well, new to me." "Emo is a Finnish name which, loosely translated, means, 'Damn it, he keeps floating back up to the surface."Įmo Philips is an utterly fantastic pop culture comedian who was big in the eighties but is making a recent comeback now, at the age of forty-seven.